Tuesday, February 05, 2008

It takes my feelings an unusually long time to sort themselves out. I call it changing modes. Suppose I am in happy mode, walking down the street la la la things are so happy; when suddenly, an old lady comes up and pummels me with her purse! My brain says “Wah! This is unjust!” Yet I will walk another block in a confused not-exactly-caring state before it sinks in to my heart, and I really feel the injustice and anger. Of course by this time it is much too late to react properly, and the old lady is beating on a new person now.

Things just don’t seem real to me until I have had time to digest them. President Hinckley died on January 27th, but it was not until last night that I realized how sad I was about that. I knew it was logistically a sad thing, I just couldn’t wrap my mind around the idea that things would be different. Last night though, I realized he really is gone from here, and that I won’t hear him speak for a long time. My heart finally realized how much we would miss him, and I felt terribly sad.

I don’t feel terribly sad now though. He is with his wife again. I know President Monson has been called, just like President Hinckley was before him. So pretty soon, my heart will catch up and we will be happy again.

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