Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Coming to Bookstores Everywhere!

So our shark drawing from Kid Pix has got me thinking... Pretty soon here, this whole Twilight mania is going to wear off, kids can only be interested in vampires for so long. Then they are going to need something bigger, scarier, toothier, and romantic-er! I have come up with the answer, the next teen romance craze!


Can true love change a bad-boy, murderous carnivore into a mild mannered, devoted boyfriend?

Find out! In the newest teen romance series to hit the shelves, TIDE LIGHT!
Seriously, This Time I was not Exaggerating

So, way back in June of 2008 I wrote this blog post about my giant mutant hands. I wrote the post because I wanted an excuse to draw a tentacle arm. Little did I know that would become the most popular post on my blog!

Since it was posted some people have cast aspersions as to the real size of my hands. (I am looking at you Bella of the sarcastic quotation marks usage!) So to put this to rest I have been prevailed upon by Jessica, who writes a blog all about ladies with large hands, to post a picture with a ruler.

BAM! I told you so!I expect you Bellas out there will soon be demanding a picture of me proving that I am 5'4'', but you are all just going to have to trust me on that one.

Also as you can see from pictures, Handsome Bryce is a foot taller than me. Which means if I were much taller than 5'4'' he would be pushing 7 feet, which means he would be an NBA player, which means I would not need to be looking for a job!

I am looking for a job still! Anyone need a project manager?

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The Game

Probably most of you know about BYU's game last Saturday. We lost the football game, but Bryce and I won our own personal game that we play. It is called: "Outwit the Orange Shirts".

The Orange Shirts, also known as the Events Staff, are humorless, radio carrying, people. They do not watch the game, they only watch you. BYU can make the greatest play of ALL TIME and their faces register no joy, only the steely glare of enforcement. Their favorite thing to do is to confiscate things, especially food and beach balls.

So we have undertaken a vendetta against them, to foil their food stealing ways at every turn. With each game our smuggling will be more extravagant. This week we smuggled in:Homemade beef jerky. (I made this in my smoker for the first time, it was tasty, but there are some things I would do differently next time.)
And giant ginger cookies. (I would not do anything different on these next time!)

The Orange Shirts inspect your bag surprisingly thoroughly, but Bryce and I have developed a system of smuggling, so ingenious that they will never catch us. Here is how we do it:

HA HA! Nice try Orange shirted fiends! Like I would reveal my secrets here! Forget about it!

p.s. To those of you still in the baby-leagues of smuggling here is a tip:
Put a handful of tampons at the top of your bag and have a male orange shirt inspect it, they are much less thorough that way!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Kid Pix Monday
By popular demand Kid Pix is back! (aka Bryce and I liked making the other Kid Pix drawing so much that we decided to do it again.) Perhaps it can become a tradition?

This week's Kid Pix was inspired by this article at CNN. Apparently sharks are in danger of extinction because they have delicious fins. I wouldn't know about the fins. I eat cows, and chickens, and pigs, and tofus because I am pretty sure none of them can eat me back. (Okay, pigs probably could eat me.) Sharks however, could easily eat me, so I don't want to provoke them.

Perhaps Kid Pix Monday should also be weird coincidences in Rachel-and-Handsome-Bryce's-childhood-day. As kids both of us were pretty obsessed with drawing pictures of sharks. Probably many people are fascinated by sharks, but did most people turn in homework depicting a feeding frenzy in the margins? It's just that sharks are so powerful and terrible, like a torpedo of death that swims and jumps, and has magical pits in its head that allow it to find you even in pitch blacky blackness, also with fins made of delicious soup fodder.
As you can see, all that practice has really paid off artistically. Can you guess which parts I drew and which parts are Handsome Bryce's?

Sharks! Hey guys! Just so you know this picture is just a joke K? Next time you see me in the ocean remember I never ate any shark fin soup. Also I have been using a Gazelle so I am definitely all tough and bony and non-juicy-delicious. Plus my hair is long, you have enough problems without a mouthful of hair, right?

Friday, September 24, 2010

Wide Load Revolution

When I was in elementary school and junior high I had a purple/blue bike with mustard colored accents. Now that I think about it, the colors were terrible, but at the time my main concern was the seat. It was one of those wide seats with springs on the bottom. I remember feeling certain that people would look at the bike seat and decide that I must have a big bum. (It didn't occur to me that people could look at my actual hind quarters to determine their size.)

I have been using Trent's bike for a while now. It is classy blue and silver, but oh man, the seat is terrible for me! I used to wonder what it would feel like to be "rode out of town on a rail", and now I know. It is a pain in the-but it looks so slim and athletic!So I have suffered. However, as Handsome Bryce and I were riding this week I had an epiphany: Correlation does not imply causation! Having a wide seat does not make you have a wide rear!

Of course a wide seat is nice when you do have a wide rear, but I don't care how tiny your hiney is, it is not 5.5''. (Except for maybe yours, Lachlynn, are you looking for a bike seat? Call me!)

So this week I am not going to have my legs falling asleep when I need them most! I am going to sit on my wide-load seat and rejoice!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Flatty Flat Bread
Looking for a job stresses me out. There is one thing I can always count on to cheer me up though, making bread. I like to make bread anytime, but I especially like it when I am feeling out of sorts.I love the way the warm dough feels, and the miraculous way it rises, (even after I punch it down with violence).
It is comforting to me because even when there are so many things outside of my control; I know that if I just follow the directions, and apply them to my little bowl of ingredients, I can make one thing that is perfect.
Also, I can have a snack after all my perfection making.
Also, my magnificent sister, Sara, gave me this beyond awesome apron:
Now who can stay grumpy in such a fabulous getup?

The flat bread recipe I used is here. The pictures might be misleading, because I did not cook the bread in the microwave. After cooking the bread on the stove I moved it to the microwave because I wanted it to remain soft and flexible. Normally I would move it to a large paper bag to let them stay warm and steamy together, but I didn't have any, so I used the microwave. If you leave them in the open they get too stiff to hold sandwich filling.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Hiking Mount Timpanogos
This weekend Handsome Bryce, Kason, Ryan, and I all hiked Timp. I was really proud of us, because this is the fastest we have ever climbed it. (Only 3.5 hours to the saddle!) I have to say, Tony Little, your exercise machine gave me GAZELLE POWER. I bounded up that mountain and never felt like I needed a break! (Ok, I did need three breaks on the second to last switchback, because it is super steep with loose dirt, and one time to take off one of my pairs of socks, but that is all!)
Ryan took all of these pictures, that's why they look good.
In the past we have hiked in August and it has been chilly, but this time it was Fa-ree-zing! That's why I am dressed like a baked potato.
I know I am looking like a hobo in these pictures, but seriously, I cannot impress upon you how cold it was. I am wearing seven layers in these pictures and I still would have totally gone for a trash bin of burning paper and those fingerless gloves hobos have.

The hike went really well. Other than the biting cold before the sun rose, the weather was really clear and perfect. It was fun to spend time with Kason, Ryan, and especially Bryce.
Bryce is the best hiking companion because he carries my pack down the mountain, and then gives me a foot rub after we get home! (No foot rubs until I shower though, because I was really really really dirty. You might think Seven layers would keep dirt off of you, but you'd be wrong.)
P.s. Bryce just skipped a rock in Emerald Lake, and pretty much made some kid's day because of the amazing number of skips he achieved.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Kid Pix
Sara and I used to spend hours playing with a kids drawing program called "Kid Pix". Our kid pixing mostly revolved around an elaborate story about Carmen Sandiego, and the blundering side-kick we invented for her, named Bow-zie.

I was pretty excited to learn that Handsome Bryce also spent many of his formative years hypnotized by Kid Pix. It has a feature called "draw me" where it describes a...thing... to you and asks you to draw it.

This creation was a dual effort between Bryce and me:

Beautiful isn't it?

Friday, September 10, 2010

Desert Dessert
We are going to a party tonight, generously put on by the professor Bryce is working with. Everyone is supposed to bring a dessert. At least that is what I am guessing we are supposed to bring, because the invitation actually said "Desert Social! Bring your favorite desert!"

Now, I know a lot of you, out there, often wonder if you have what it takes to be an English major. If the concept of a "Desert Dessert" amuses you for more than three hours it is highly possible that you might have what it takes!

Here's how I made it:First I made a giant vat of vanilla pudding. You can use boxed pudding, but making pudding from scratch is almost exactly as hard as making pudding from not-scratch, and it is cheaper! I'll put the recipe below.
I put some graham crackers at the bottom of my pan. Then I mixed half of the pudding with a container of Cool Whip. Spread that on, and then added another layer of graham crackers.
My dad taught me that while it is possible to make desserts without chocolate, there isn't really a good reason to do it. So I added chocolate, (recipe also below).
Next came another layer of pudding. (This was supposed to be a layer of pudding Cool Whip mixture, but I forgot, oops!)
Next came crushed up Vanilla Wafers for sand.
Finally I added green gummy orange slices, sour patch kids, and chocolate rocks. Ta da! Desert Dessert!
Hopefully Bryce's professor thinks this is endearingly cheeky and delicious, instead of annoying.

Pudding Recipe:


* 1/2 cup white sugar
* 3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder (I left this out this time)
* 1/4 cup cornstarch
* 1/8 teaspoon salt
* 2 3/4 cups milk
* 2 tablespoons margarine or butter
* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract


1. In a saucepan, stir together sugar, cocoa, cornstarch and salt. Place over medium heat, and stir in milk. Bring to a boil, and cook, stirring constantly, until mixture thickens enough to coat the back of a metal spoon. Remove from heat, and stir in margarine and vanilla. Let cool briefly, and serve warm, or chill in refrigerator until serving.

Chocolate Frosting Recipe:

Melt together:

2 sq. Unsweetened chocolate
2 t Corn Syrup
2 t Vanilla
3 T Butter

Beat with:
1 1/2 C Powdered sugar
3 T Milk

Thursday, September 09, 2010

I caught a giant Katydid today. I gave him a baby tomato. He poo pooed it, literally.
I also got a call to interview for a job on Monday. I poo pooed it, figuratively. PSYCH*! I am totally excited!

*Psych about the me poo pooing my interview, the Katydid poo really did happen.

Katydids are not too good for bok choy.

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

I Wish I was on a Cruise
It takes me a long long time to adjust my emotions to match a situation, longer than it does for most people, I think. I lost my job yesterday and today it hit me, I am pretty bummed about it. So instead of moping about it here are some pictures of our happy vacation, and some things I am happy about:I am happy that Handsome Bryce has more than just good looks going for him, he is also a genius and I am thankful that he has a position as a research assistant so we don't have to pay tuition.
I am happy for family close by, and far away, to commiserate with and to tell me not to worry.
I am thankful for Mt. Timpanogos for being there so I have a super fun hike to look forward to.
I know he already had a turn, but I really am thankful that Bryce McEwen married me, and that he will cuddle, and pray, and play Wordwarp with me all day when I lose my job, even though he has homework to do. <3

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Hooray for BYU!
This Saturday was the first BYU football game of the season, and man, it did not come a moment too soon. Handsome Bryce McEwen and I have been, so far, unable to get interested in baseball so we refer to the end of summer as the "sports drought" because of the lack of football and basketball*. (The Olympics are the only remedy to the sports drought.) The first football game is like taking a cold swim in a non-sticky fizzy beverage, after a 2 month walk through the desert.

We were so excited for this game, excited to see who the new quarterback would be, excited to see all the new recruits who replaced our old favorites; but mostly excited to just be back in the stadium screaming and yelling and jumping on the bleachers.
Game Day Toes
This game did not disappoint. It was exciting down to the last play. Best of all BYU beat Washington, with Jake Locker who is supposed to be the best college quarterback in America. Also hooray, maybe people will stop saying that the last time BYU beat them was "controversial" read the rules (9-2, 2c) peasants!!!
Bryce and I rode bikes to the game and back with Preston, Bryce's friend from school. This is a picture of us after we got home, that's why we look happy but disheveled.
This weekend I made molten chocolate cake**. Which I highly recommend, (but only if you have vanilla ice cream to go with it). I had one left over and upon examining it I discovered something exciting!!! Take a closer look:

*Soccer is ok, but seriously? You can tie? Lame.
**Paula Deen still gives me the creeps. What is with those eyes???

Friday, September 03, 2010

Living Room Redo
A couple of months ago Handsome Bryce helped drive his brother, Trevor, to an internship in Detroit. Bryce was gone for 2 nights and 2 and a half days. In case you don't know I am a major pansy about being apart from Bryce, and I knew I needed something to keep me busy while he was gone. So Sara and I hatched a plan to redecorate my living room while Bryce was gone! As soon as Bryce stepped out the door, (and as soon as I got finished sniffling) I moved everything out of our crowded living room, and set out to find a fabulous rug for our floor. I called my mom and told her about my plan. She said "You should look at Lowe's they have nice rugs." I said "Pbbssssh! Lowe's! They have only hideous rugs!" Then I went to every furniture store in Utah and hated all of their rugs. So I finally trudged to Lowe's where I found the perfect rug and it was marked down 40%! I know, I know, your mother is always right.The rug was an important part of the decorating but the most difficult part was the couch. Bryce's parents had this super awesome wooden couch frame, and about a year ago they told me I could have it if I wanted to get cushions for it. I was super excited and bought all the supplies forever ago. Then I realized something, making couches is HARD. That's why there are people who have upholstery shops, because normal people would never choose to sew a couch! So I never really got very far before this decorating storm, but now I was determined to finish it before Bryce got back. Kason helped me move the couch to my apartment, Thanks Kason! I worked furiously on Friday, but wasn't near being done. I went to a second hand store, DI, and picked up a shelving unit for out TV and TV accouterments. (We painted it brown.)

Bryce called me* and I pretended like I didn't do anything all day. Then I went to Bryce's parent's house to sleep because Bryce was gone and I am a pansy. The next day I woke up at 6 to hit a neighborhood yard sale which had been advertised on Craigslist. It was pouring rain, but I went anyway. The yard sale was canceled, wah! But lucky for me the couple who were there to tell me it was canceled happened to have the twin lamps and end table that I had seen on the internet, and sold them to me anyway! Win!

Next I met Tara, Maddy, and Boston at Lowe's to help me pick out a paint color for one of my walls. (It doesn't really show up well in these pictures, I'll take a better one later.) We chose a pale muted blue. Tara advised me not to get one as bright as I thought I would want, to get one with some gray in it, and boy was she right. The color turned out absolutely perfect, subtle and still interesting. Tara also got me the vinyl design for the wall, called "Dandelion Breeze". Thanks Tara and Maddy!
Later I plugged one of the new lamps into the wall and FZZZZT! The power went out in my living room. I tried flipping the breaker but nothing happened :( So I called my dad, but he was at a wedding and didn't hear. So I called Bryce's dad. His parents came over and flipped the breaker and ta da! It worked! (I was feeling pretty sheepish at that point.) It turns out you have to flip it really hard to make it work, good to know. Thanks guys!

That night Sara and Bryan came over and we had a pizza party, and worked like crazy to get everything in place. My dad called back and explained about how lamps are just a giant power cord attached to a little light socket and that I probably had a faulty cord. (Thanks a lot yard sale man!) So with his help I returned to Lowe's and purchased a $3 cord to fix the lamp. He also told me of about 12 different ways you can electrocute yourself while messing with electrical stuff, also good to know. Thanks Dad!

After I hung up with Dad, Bryce called and Sara and Bryan and I silently repaired the lamp, so he wouldn't suspect. Sara and Bryan also made the couch more structurally sound by stapling a million burlap strips below where the couch cushions go. They were super helpful! Thanks guys!

After that I went to sleep at Bryce's parent's house again. (Seriously watch the old black and white "The Haunting" movie and tell me you are not creeped out by being alone in the dark house!)

The next day was Sunday so I went to church, then came home and put the final touches on the couch, (after Sara saved me by bringing me a new bobbin) and made a throw pillow. I was busy right up to the minute when it was time to go pick up Bryce at the airport. He was so surprised! Aaaand he liked it! Yay!

The whole revision cost me about $200, which I was pretty happy about. We both like our living room so much more now, because there is room for more than two people to sit and it feels much homier.

*Bryce had his own exciting adventure on the road trip, which will take a whole new post to explain.