Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Mormons Don't Drink Any Tea

No, we don't. Not green tea or black tea or any tea. This is because of something we call "The Word of Wisdom". You might be thinking, "I'm Mormon and I drink herbal tea!" but you need to stop thinking that because herbal tea is generally a misnomer. The thing you are thinking of when you say "herbal tea" (orange, mint, or berry flavored water) has no tea in it. There is no such thing as non-caffeinated tea, so just stop saying that ok? The thing you are thinking of is called a tisane, and Mormon people can drink those.

I pretend to be a fan of mint and blueberry tisanes for one important reason: Sugar. This is how I prepare my tisane:

Yes my friends, in my ceramic cup I have a bit of water disguising a gooey sugar sludge. By preparing it in an opaque cup you can drink semi-solid sugar and nobody knows! People seem to have this notion that tisanes and herbal teas are very beneficial to your health, so as you desperately suck down the last of the sugar sludge they actually think you are just really excited about health!

It's secret candy you guys! So go, drink sugar! Just make sure you call it the right name.

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