Friday, March 25, 2011

Happy Birthday, from Grumpy Old Rachel Today is my sister Haley Lyn's birthday, and it is the day the Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook ceo, is speaking at BYU. Haley and Mark, if you were expecting me to send birthday wishes through Facebook you are going to be disappointed. I have a Facebook account, so I can see baby pictures and talk to our friends in Germany, but I don't really like it very much.

In the above screen shot I have marked the things I disapprove of in red. Facebook causes people to forget how to spell things. Also with the way people abbreviate things you would think Facebook is charging by the letter. The abbreviations would lead me to believe that everyone was in a terrible hurry, if it weren't for the fact that I can see they are on Facebook all day everyday.
I know Facebook doesn't have a "hug" feature, but I have seen countless "hugs" given over the cold computer screen. It makes the shriveled old lady in me furious. Back in my day we didn't just type "hug" we actually gave people hugs using our arms, and I still believe this is the best way.

So maybe you are too far away to give an actual hug? There are three ways that I think are actual ways to be a friend, they are: talking in person, talking on the phone, or writing a letter. These things are inconvenient because they take time to do, which is the very reason that they are meaningful. It takes three seconds to type a little message on Facebook, and the meaning behind it lasts only about half of that. Real friends don't type "hug" and move on to nosing through pictures to see who is looking chubby these days. Real friends actually spend time on you to find out what is going on and what they can do.

I know you don't have time for everybody. That is perfectly fine, you don't actually need 800 friends, and you are kidding yourself if you think you can have that many. You can have as many friends as you can actually spend time on. Let's be honest here, you know you would have more time for your real friends if you spent less time spying on your non-friends on Facebook.
I see the value of staying in touch, and an easy way to share pictures, but Facebook will never be a way to stay friends with someone without spending actual time on them.

So Haley, I am not going to tell you Happy Birthday on Facebook, I'm going to take the time and call you on the phone because I love you.
I am also going to log on and leave snide remarks, making fun of your friends on Facebook, because I love that too.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

In Case you Missed the Game on Saturday, this is How it Went:

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Monday, March 14, 2011

Giant Emma Smith

The Relief Society ladies got together last week to celebrate the founding of Relief Society. We had a service auction and it was really fun. I was part of the planning committee for the meeting, and somehow one of the ladies suggested that as part of the decorations I paint a giant portrait of Emma Smith. As you might imagine, when she suggested that I was thinking "Heeeeck no!" I was prepared to say this out-loud, but somehow she used Jedi mind powers on me and instead I said "Ok, sure."

There are pictures of the whole process somewhere, but the camera they are on is missing, so I only have two.Handsome Bryce helped me, because if I was getting swindled into this project then so was he.
We painted it with acrylics on a twin bed sheet. Before you get all impressed though, you should know that we totally cheated. I projected this image of Emma Smith onto the sheet and outlined everything in pencil so it was pretty much just a gigantic "Paint-by-Number". (I told that to people and they said "Oh, that's not cheating!" but yes, it totally is.)

Nevertheless I think it turned out pretty nice. Bryce and I have done one other painting like this. It is a pretty fun project, but a lot of work. I think Emma Smith took between 10 and 12 hours. But 10-12 hours of hanging out with Bryce is basically a party, even when you have to stare into the gigantic face of the first Relief Society president during that time.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Vampires Are the Worst, Seriously, They Are.

Today I was thinking about the book Dracula, and it reminded me of something I have known for a long time. Vampires are the most awful of things. (Note, I don't really know anything about Twilight type vampires, I suspect they are much less terrifying than Brahm Stoker type vampires because teenage girls don't seem to pee their pants in terror at the thought of Twilight, and I know I am braver than at least some of the teenage girls, so this post only counts for non-twilight vampires.)

I have been afraid of vampires since I was little. I remember my mom let me put a clove of garlic under my bed so I could sleep because vampires don't like garlic. The problem is that vampires are cheaters. You think, "I'll lock my door" and the vampires are like "haha, we can turn into misty stuff and sneak under the door!!!". But vampires can't come into your house unless you invite them, so you're probably pretty safe right? Wrong, sometimes they look like normal people and if you EVER invite them in, then they count the invite as good for forever, even if you get a restraining order. So what are you going to do? Never invite anyone in?
Then the extra cheap-shot: they can transform into animals. You would think you could trust a bunny, but you never know, it could be a transformed vampire. And if you let the bunny into your house you are doomed. So what can you do? Never have any pets ever?
Then they totally cheat with their weaknesses. They don't like garlic or crucifixes, but those things aren't going to kill them or anything. That's like saying my vulnerability is lima beans. There is a rumor that only a wooden stake through the heart can kill them, but I'm pretty sure vampires just spread that rumor to be jerks. I mean, let's just think about the logic behind that theory:
They don't have anymore blood right? And without blood their heart is what? It's a little lump of nothing. So you stick a wooden stake into a little lump of nothing and get what? A vampire laughing in your face, that's what. Also, let's be honest, vampires still have a sternum. Sternums are strong, you and your pansy human muscles are not about to plunge any sticks through that.

The worst part though, is your fate. Let's imagine a horrible lobster sludge beast comes to attack you. Worst case scenario: you die, but then you are a happy angel and you never have to eat lima beans anymore. Hey, that's not so bad!
But if a vampire eats you then you can forget about the harp and wings. You are doomed to be a gross undead vampire forever and all you can ever eat is blood, which is likely worse than lima beans.
See? Vampires are the ultimate cheapos and we should all hate them. By the way, I never finished Dracula because I was too afraid of it. Now you know my shame, but at least you can understand it.

Friday, March 04, 2011

Have You Seen?

Technically he's Bryce's parents' dog, but that takes too long to explain.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Worry Worry Worry

Seriously, that Pocket Frogs game is addictive.

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Don't Hate the Cauliflower

I went to Zupas with my friend, Jennifer, and she introduced me to their super yummy Wisconsin Cauliflower soup. Are you rolling around like a baby whining about how cauliflower is nasty? Actually I can kind of understand, how many of us were told by an older sibling or friend that cauliflower is actually sheep brains? But friends, it's time to man-up and give cauliflower a second chance! This soup is the perfect way to do it:First you saute some chopped onions in butter.
Then you toss in some flour and keep sauteing.
They start to look kind of like onion rings, minus the ring part.
Next you add milk and chicken broth and a load of cauliflower.
Then you let it boil and boil and boil. If you want your soup to be like the one they serve at Zupas you need to puree the soup in a blender or food processor. I did this because the flavor of cauliflower is actually good, it's just the sheep-brainy texture that is off-putting.
Then you add cheddar cheese, pepper jack cheese, and an unsightly blob of spicy mustard.
Then you eat it! Ta da! Seriously, don't be a pansy, eat the cauliflower.