Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Best Beast

Oftentimes I hear people say, "I wish I had time to cook more". Friends, the problem is not that you don't have enough time to cook. The problem is that you don't have enough robot slaves to cook for you.
This year for our anniversary/Mother's Day/my birthday, Handsome Bryce gave me the best present ever:It is the best, commercial grade, Kitchenaid mixer known to man; magnificent to behold, and terrifying in its abilities. When we took it out of the box we both thought, "This is a beast" because, seriously, it is. I have destroyed so many mixers it is shameful, but this mixer is a truly worthy ally, and we will be together forever.

So anyway, the other night I wanted to make bread, but I am lazy. Also, we went and visited my grandparents and ate Oma's special homemade jam. I needed fresh bread and now I was too spoiled for icky store jam, so I needed homemade jam too.Not to worry though. I found a recipe for what I consider to be cheater jam. (It's cheating because it requires minimal slaving over the stove, also it uses jello.)First you chop up 6 cups of rhubarb. Rhubarb is a disgusting vegetable, stalk thing.
But when you combine it with 2 cups of sugar it transforms into a magical candy fruit!
Stir it up, and let it sit overnight, while you have sweet dreams of fresh jam.
But before going to bed toss the ingredients to this recipe for Swedish Zopf into your robot assassin, (Ok, maybe robot Sous-chef would be a more appropriate name, but that sounds all French and lame). Braid the dough and stick it in the fridge.
In the morning stumble out of bed, turn on the burner under your rhubarb slurry, and take you beautiful bread braid out of the fridge.
Boil the jam over high heat for 5 minutes. This is weird because all those rhubarb chunks magically turn to mush at minute 4. After the 5 minutes are up, remove from the heat, dump a 3 oz. packet of strawberry Jello powder in, stir it up and transfer to jars.
I decided to seal my jars while the bread was baking. You don't have to do this if you keep your jam in the fridge, but I just like to hear the lids pop.
Then take your brad out of the oven and ta da! Delicious breakfast, that mostly made itself while you were asleep!

1 comment:

Sara said...

Wow! You're gonna play with me??? That looks so good!