Monday, June 27, 2011

Sharks are Awesome

I read an article the other day explaining that the word "awesome" has lost its meaning (awe inspiring) and had been marginalized to pretty much mean "good". In order to remind the internet of the true meaning of awesomeness let us all take a moment to reflect on the shark:Let's say you are swimming around in the ocean, kicking your gangling little legs around and getting salt in your eyes; when you look up and notice that 4 feet from you is a massive torpedo shaped shark looking at you. You would be feeling two things: #1 Awe, pure paralyzing awe at this giant death machine that came upon you without a sound. #2 A cloud of warmth, from where you soiled yourself.
Sharks are naturally scary. They have a perpetual frown on their faces. When they are attacking they will roll their eyes to the back of their heads, this protects their eyes and looks totally freaky.
Sharks are not made to retreat. They literally cannot swim backwards, only forwards, really fast.

Wikipedia says, "Contrary to the common wisdom that sharks are instinct-driven "eating machines", recent studies have indicated that many species possess powerful problem-solving skills, social skills and curiosity. The brain- to body-mass ratios of sharks are similar to mammals and birds."

So thanks Wikipedia, before I was afraid of sharks, and now I am extra afraid of sharks.
Sharks can be born in 4 different ways. Some have been known to duplicate without needing a father, weird. Most though, are born by eggs that hatch inside the mother, eggs that hatch outside the mother, or live birth.

They are pretty much punks from the moment they are born. Baby great white sharks swim away from their mother as fast as they can as soon as they come out.The mom might feel kind of sad about this, because she was 100% planning on eating that baby; so yeah, they never really grow out of that jerkiness.

Sharks have little dents on their faces that let them sense electricity from their prey, in case you somehow manage to avoid their keen hearing, sense of smell, or eyesight. Also, many sharks have to keep moving in order to breathe, so that means little or no sleep.
So go ahead and keep using the word "awesome" to refer to your breakfast waffles and new socks, but make sure you always follow it with the mental note, "but not as awesome as sharks".

8 comments:

rgt said...

Thank you for describing so eloquently what I have been trying to tell Tara and others for years, but could never get through to them!

Sara said...

Hahaha! I like this. For real and for Facebook.

Karen said...

I am laughing so hard! (also, totally NOT going in the water anymore!)

M. McEwen said...

haha! So check this out:
(actual jumping shark video link)
Notice the LAST words in the article!!

McRachie said...

Haha! Bryan sent me that link too, but I didn't notice that about the article! Pretty scary though, now they can fly too?

Rain Coyote said...

For the honor of sharks everywhere! and their Awesomeness!

PS I've always wanted to swim with sharks.

McRachie said...

Every time you get in the ocean you are swimming with sharks Court! It just gets ugly when the amount of ocean between you and them is significantly diminished.

Rain Coyote said...

That is true.

I was just watching Planet Earth and this HUGE great white comes soaring completely out of the water to eat a seal in slow motion and I went: "awwwesommme."