Friday, October 21, 2011

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Published!

I have excellent news! A short story I wrote and illustrated, (a children's book of sorts) has been published online! Inscape is a BYU alumni publication and I am really excited to be included in this year's edition. Here is a link for you to check it out:

http://inscape.byu.edu/winter2011/

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Squish

When I was a year old my mom hatched some chicks. I think uncooked chickens are horrible, but baby chicks are one of the cutest things ever.


So of course I wanted to hold one.


However, as soon as my parents let me hold one, I was overcome by its cuteness which translated into a desire to squeeze and squish it.


Don't worry though. My dad held my hand open so that I could not commit chickicide. Oddly enough, even with him holding my fingers I still strained to squish the chick.



It is troubling, but amazing cuteness still triggers this squish-response in me.



What is wrong with me?

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Time-Bomb

When I was a kid there was a toy called "Splash Out." Do you remember it? It was like playing hot-potato with a little ball that would explode a water balloon all over one unlucky person.


Being pregnant is pretty much like being a human time-bomb of water. I am terrified of having my water break in public.


Someone told me that if it happens in the grocery store you can break a pickle jar and disguise your shame.


This plan is good in theory, but what if it happens when I am not on the pickle aisle? I would have to make a beeline for the pickles every time I go to the store, and keep them in my cart for the whole trip.


And what if it happens when I am not at the grocery store? I guess I could just always keep a jar in my purse.


I am the most worried about it happening at work. I used to work custodial at BYU. I am not sure if I would rather clean up the pickles in ignorance, or know the horrible truth.



Hopefully it never comes to this.

Monday, October 17, 2011

I'll Only Feed My Kids Organic Stuff

Since I am pregnant, many people like to give me advice. I don't mind advice, sometimes it is really helpful. The thing that confuses me is how passionate people can be about the advice they give. Like if you don't follow their advice you obviously hate your baby.

One thing people are especially vehement about is food. Preservatives, sugar, organic, not organic, salt, trans-fat, death crystals; everyone has an opinion on what will turn your child into a mutant. Careful efforts must be put toward creating a diet that will best prepare your child for success in life.

On the other hand, from what I have observed, kids seem to spend about 98% of their thinking power trying to undermine these efforts. They have their own four food groups.Delicious dust-pans

Delectable doorknobs

Tasty trash

Appetizing all-things-toilet

And they know that you really can't be watching them ALL the time. Resistance is like bringing a fly swatter* to a dairy farm.

*Fly swatters are also a favorite kid snack.

Friday, October 14, 2011

At Last! It's Mine!

You may remember my earlier post about the bearded baby beanie. I really wanted one, a lot. You can buy them pre-made on Etsy from bylauradesign, or she will sell you the pattern at a fraction of the cost and you can make your own. I was inhibited by both my cheapness and my complete lack of experience in crocheting.

It turns out the second problem was a lot easier to overcome so I bought the pattern. When I bought it I thought "How hard can this be? I'll just read the instructions and do what the instructions say to do." Ha! It turns out that crochet instructions are not like sewing instructions, they basically say "tie this complicated knot 15 times in a row, then tie a different complicated knot 8 times..." If you don't know how to tie those complicated knots you can look them up online, but that also does not help a lot.

Lucky for me one of the girls I work with, (hi Maren!) is excellent at crocheting and was willing to explain it to me!


Pretty much I would show her the instructions, she would tell me what to do, then I would go home and do it, and then bring it back. Every time I did this Maren would end up unraveling all the stuff I did before and have me do it again the right way. I was grateful that she did not get fed up and just do it herself.


It took me about three months to make this, but that is because I was a slacker and worked on other projects instead. The actual working time was probably more like three hours. I definitely couldn't have done it without Maren explaining it to me though. Thanks Maren!

I made the beard so it was detachable with little snaps, in case our baby wants to be clean-shaven sometimes.

Now I just need to have a baby so I can make him wear this hat!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

There is Only One Detective

Last night we watched the new Psych episode. At some point in the evening I ended up ranting to Haley and Bryce about how all the detective shows are basically a poor-man's Sherlock Holmes. (This is ironic because these shows actually are making some men very rich by just rehashing Sherlock Holmes over and over.)

Anyways here is my rant:
All these guys are just different interpretations of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's creation.




First of all, each one hangs around all the time with a sidekick whose personality is exactly the opposite of his own.


These sidekicks are necessary because even though the detective is brilliant and good at heart, he is completely insufferable to every other person he comes in contact with. The detective is actually kind of insufferable to his sidekick too, but they always stick together anyway. Without the sidekick to keep him grounded the detective would probably just be a hermit shut-in because he is just that socially awkward.


This awkwardness extends into the detective's love life too. They are all too emotionally constipated to have a girlfriend. (Ok I know Shawn, from Psych, has a girlfriend...for now, but seriously how long did it take him? Plus he is a pretty crappy boyfriend.) Lots of times ladies want to flirt with the detective, but they always end up in tears. That is what happens when you try to give your heart to someone who has zero normally functioning emotions.


The most obvious characteristic of these detectives is their magical great brains. This brain allows them to see things that no one else notices, and remember random facts that no one else remembers. (Sometimes I notice and remember these kind of things, but it never solves any murders. It just makes me look like a creeper.) For these detectives it allows them to solve crimes waaaay before anyone else.


It is helpful to the hero that he is always surrounded by doofy, slow, incompetent policemen who are as observant as a drunken wombat. These policefolk usually resent the detective for being a smug, socially awkward turd all the time, and because they know that without him they will never be able to solve any crimes ever.


You might wonder why the detective doesn't just join the police force since he is obviously the best police person ever, but remember, this detective is socially awkward, emotionally constipated, and on the verge of becoming a shut-in. He can't have a normal job! Also he usually likes to do things of questionable legality to figure out the crimes, lawyers of the world rejoice!


So, in conclusion you are not experiencing deja vu. Sherlock Holmes is simply the only detective ever. All the rest are just based on him. It's ok though. Sherlock Holmes is awesome, and so are all the fake Sherlocks.

Don't look at me like that Batman. I don't see you having a steady girlfriend or normal job either.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Monday, October 10, 2011

To: CBS





So if you want me to watch your stupid show you had better put it online. The End.

Friday, October 07, 2011

Happy Birthday Harold

I have known Harold for about seven years. I take full credit for the fact that he married my bff college roommate Steffy. (Don't worry, she paid me back by getting me to work at IT and thus meet Handsome Bryce, so we are even.)

Steffy is throwing a surprise birthday party for Harold and asked everyone to bring a food that reminds them of him. I was kind of distressed about this because the only Harold-food that stands out to me are scallops, because he was the first person I ever saw eating them. I hate scallops and I did not want to make them. Steff bailed me out though, and asked me if I wanted to bring the cake to which I said YES!!!111!

I love making birthday cakes, because it is a special cake for only one person. You don't have to compromise or adjust things for everyone's tastes you just make it the way the birthday person wants it. Harold's favorite is yellow cake with chocolate frosting, and he likes the video game Zelda.

Since I wanted a smooth finish on this cake I made my crumb coat more neat and tidy than I usually do.

Harold is the first person who ever explained to me that Zelda is not actually the name of the main character in the game Zelda. He had to remind me about this about 100 times when I kept saying "Those little Zeldas following you around the screen are SO CUTE!" The main character's name is Link, weird huh? I think this was a trick so that Zelda outsiders will stand out and look dumb in front of the true Zelda fans.

I used a picture of 8-bit Link which I planned to recreate with M&Ms. While the crumb coat was hardening in the fridge I laid the design out on some paper. Two things became obvious pretty fast. First, normal M&Ms are way too big to make this design fit on a round cake. Second, using yellow for Link's skin makes him look too much like Yoda.

Luckily I had a back-up plan, M&M-minis to the rescue!

If you want to do something like this I highly recommend making your design on paper first, because frosting dries kind of fast, and is not very forgiving.

I topped the cake with a thin, light chocolate frosting. I wanted to make sure there would be good contrast between the frosting and the brown M&Ms.

Then I recreated the design on the top of the cake. This is meticulous work, and takes a bit of time, but it is faster than painting your design in frosting, probably.

I finished the sides with super chocolatey frosting. Secret hint, if you add red and yellow food coloring to your chocolate frosting it looks a lot yummier, and therefore tastes a lot yummier.

Bryce and I are lucky to have such good friends in Steff and Harold. I am always grateful for their kindness and hilariousness. You guys are the best!