Monday, October 03, 2011

Leash Children

This weekend was General Conference! I think I have mentioned before how members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, (Mormons) have conference twice a year. It is basically a series of televised church meetings for members worldwide, where we hear counsel from church leaders.

I really enjoyed this talk by Elder Jose Alonso. During his talk he tells about losing his little son in a crowded marketplace. I could relate well to this because I spent most of the time when I was little trying to escape from my parents in crowded places.


Some kids are pretty innocent about this kind of thing. They are just trying to play hide-and-seek and they think it is so funny! I was not that kid. I was not playing any game. One of my earliest memories is hiding inside a clothes rack at Target, fully intending to ditch my parents so that I could explore the back of the store where they kept the tires. I also did this at an airport.

I saw a T-shirt recently that said "Free the Leash Kids Just Hold Your Childs [sic] Hand It's not hard, it's love." Obviously the person who made that shirt did not know any children like me (also they did not know the right time to use an apostrophe, grumble).


My mom would try holding my hand.She used a traditional hand-hold, which worked great as long as she was looking at me; but as soon as she had to turn her attention elsewhere I would give her the slip!
My Dad used a vise-like wrist grip, where he closed his forefinger and thumb around my wrist. This was impossible to escape from, and he would never get distracted or slacken his grip. This made me furious because it foiled my plans. The best option was definitely the leash. It kept me from fulfilling my desire to run amok in public places, and it focused my rage away from my parents and onto the hated leash. Indeed, I hated the leash, but I now know is the reason I am still alive!

10 comments:

Steffy said...

As a "leash kid" parent, when people make comments about how terrible leashes are I just shake my head and then let them hold my son. He immediately does what I call "the dead fish" and flops and slides out of their arms and then runs straight for the most dangerous thing he can find. While we frantically chase my child down I make sure to snicker quietly at their ignorance about strong willed children.

Alan said...

That's why you always wanted to hold mom's hand and never mine; but I saw through that perilous plan!

McRachie said...

It's true! It was all an act to facilitate my escape plans! I noticed I was the only kid in our family who had to have the leash though :P

Brian said...

This one time, when I was working at BBW's (ask Maren if you don't know what that is...) this woman came in, accompanied by a leash child. Not only was this child on a leash, but the mother had a mechanical retractor to bring the child back within range. I simultaneously loathed and coveted the torturous device. Yesh...

mama bear said...

LOVE this post! the leash-haters make me so mad. maybe they should have some crazy suicidal kids, and then they would see how fabulous leashes really are.

Bryan Gividen said...

Whoa Dad. That's some good looking hair you've got there.

Amanda and Rob Hill said...

I am a "leash kid" parent as well, but only at places like Disneyland. Like Steffy, I have children who pull the dead fish flop out of my arms or the "leg pull up" when holding hands, leading me to dragging them by their wrists. A leash facilitates checking things out without the possibility of broken wrists. People who make those comments obviously have never lost a child in a crowded, busy environment.

Haley Dennis said...

Hahahah the little feral Rachel cracks me up!!! :)

Sonya said...

I feel sad for the kids who have been leash-broken though. Parents who have given up trying to keep track of the kid slap a leash on him/her and the kid morosely hobbles behind the parent and gets tugged around unexpected corners or when his/her tiny legs aren't keeping up. Be kind to your leash child! If you are in a mad dash through the store, put your kid in a cart or sedate him and leave him in the trunk of your car. Small legs aren't fast!*



*Except when running without warning into traffic, or similar situations.

Rain Coyote said...

We had leashes when we were young, particularly when we went on trips to such places as Disneyland, where I would have gladly run amok with Mickey Mouse and Pluto. The leashes are probably the reason that I am here today and not the hunchback of Main Street in Disneyland, ringing the bells every evening before the fireworks show.