Thursday, October 13, 2011

There is Only One Detective

Last night we watched the new Psych episode. At some point in the evening I ended up ranting to Haley and Bryce about how all the detective shows are basically a poor-man's Sherlock Holmes. (This is ironic because these shows actually are making some men very rich by just rehashing Sherlock Holmes over and over.)

Anyways here is my rant:
All these guys are just different interpretations of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's creation.

First of all, each one hangs around all the time with a sidekick whose personality is exactly the opposite of his own.

These sidekicks are necessary because even though the detective is brilliant and good at heart, he is completely insufferable to every other person he comes in contact with. The detective is actually kind of insufferable to his sidekick too, but they always stick together anyway. Without the sidekick to keep him grounded the detective would probably just be a hermit shut-in because he is just that socially awkward.

This awkwardness extends into the detective's love life too. They are all too emotionally constipated to have a girlfriend. (Ok I know Shawn, from Psych, has a girlfriend...for now, but seriously how long did it take him? Plus he is a pretty crappy boyfriend.) Lots of times ladies want to flirt with the detective, but they always end up in tears. That is what happens when you try to give your heart to someone who has zero normally functioning emotions.

The most obvious characteristic of these detectives is their magical great brains. This brain allows them to see things that no one else notices, and remember random facts that no one else remembers. (Sometimes I notice and remember these kind of things, but it never solves any murders. It just makes me look like a creeper.) For these detectives it allows them to solve crimes waaaay before anyone else.

It is helpful to the hero that he is always surrounded by doofy, slow, incompetent policemen who are as observant as a drunken wombat. These policefolk usually resent the detective for being a smug, socially awkward turd all the time, and because they know that without him they will never be able to solve any crimes ever.

You might wonder why the detective doesn't just join the police force since he is obviously the best police person ever, but remember, this detective is socially awkward, emotionally constipated, and on the verge of becoming a shut-in. He can't have a normal job! Also he usually likes to do things of questionable legality to figure out the crimes, lawyers of the world rejoice!

So, in conclusion you are not experiencing deja vu. Sherlock Holmes is simply the only detective ever. All the rest are just based on him. It's ok though. Sherlock Holmes is awesome, and so are all the fake Sherlocks.

Don't look at me like that Batman. I don't see you having a steady girlfriend or normal job either.


Sonya said...

I have a problem with your post. Sherlock was never particularly good at heart. He was always a cranky, misogynist, ocd type savant. He liked Watson, but mostly just to witness Sherlock's brilliance and carry things around. And to make sure there were clean cups sometimes.
Still, I love him. And Shawn. And Monk. No interest in Mentalist guy.

McRachie said...

Not so my friend. One time Watson got shot and Sherlock became very upset. Watson said, "For the one and only time I caught a glimpse of a great heart as well as of a great brain." Sherlock did have a good heart, you just could never tell because he was socially awkward and emotionally constipated ;)

Caitlin said...

Rachel, you are hilarious! AND SO RIGHT! I've never thought about it before. BUT I must say that my favorite Sherlock impersonator has to be Shawn. Psych is just soooooo good!

Rain Coyote said...

"What is it like in your funny little brains? It must be so boring!"--Sherlock

I agree with them all being socially awkward, though Da-ANG I wish I could get away with half the stuff Shawn does.

Sonya said...

I am not convinced that Sherlock really had much of a heart. I'd like to think so, since he was basically my first crush as a kid, but I think he just knew no one but Watson would put up with him and he saw his audience in peril. See also: masochistic dependency, Watson.