Friday, December 14, 2012

Torture Dreams

I have posted about general ideas on dreams before, but I never really addressed the aspect of dreams that I like to call dream torture. Your brain is the creator of all of your dreams, and your brain is the part of you that feels the effects of dreams, so I would like to know why your brain is sometimes a total jerk to itself. Why do our brains create terrible scenarios for us to suffer through while we are trying to relax? Sometimes I have fantastic dreams where I am hanging out with super-heroes, or making the best cake ever, but sometimes I have dreams that are torturous.

 My torture dreams usually include a very important but ultimately impossible task, like warning everyone about imminent danger that only I am aware of and only I care about.

 I also often have dreams where I have to solve a very important equation, but the numbers are all shifty and I can't keep my train of thought on the solution.

 Then I have dreams where I must write down something very important, but I can't write it out sensibly or the things I did write fade away.

 There are also terrible dreams where Bryce is mean to me. I know this is cliche and unfair. In real life Handsome Bryce is the most faithful, kind, and considerate person I know, but Dream Bryce is alternately super heroic or super aloof. It isn't his fault that my brain sometimes casts him as a guy with a second secret family, but is it my fault that I find those dreams to be traumatizing? I don't expect him to apologize for despicable behavior that he only committed in my foggy dream, but it really couldn't hurt!

 Feelings don't have to be valid to exist. So guys, if someone has a terrible dream and they feel terrible as a result, I say don't question the craziness of your predicament, just reassure them that real-you would never never do the things that fatty jerkface dream-you does. My most recent terrible dream, happened to coincide with Bryce's most recent awesome dream, and it was no good. My dream involved McBaby jumping off of a boat and sinking to the bottom of the ocean. I woke up sobbing, to see Bryce peacefully sleeping with a great big smile.

I told him about my dream, because usually he is a good commiserator, but on that night he couldn't be that upset because, hey, it was just a dream, and he happened to have been dreaming he was surrounded by happy puppies like in this video. It isn't his fault that my brain hates me and his brain loves him, but it isn't my fault either and I think I am entitled to a little bit of pity!

So friends, in conclusion, torture dreams are just dreams, but they are still torture! If you or a loved one has suffered from a torture dream, know that you are not alone. Together we can rid the world of the misunderstanding and prejudice that surrounds our condition.

Thursday, December 13, 2012


Periodically I decide to recommit to exercising. It always makes me feel gross. I have a  friend who likes to use the expression, "I feel like I was hit by the poo-truck of tiredness." I have decided that there really isn't too much of a difference between being hit by a poo-truck and running. Observe:

McBaby likes the running better though, because then he can sit in his stroller and eat animal cookies, like a sultan.

Friday, December 07, 2012

Why I Hate Meetings

So I was going to do a post about revamping my bathroom, but then I thought, "You know, people are probably tired of reading about you doing house projects."  I know what you all really want, so here is a comic to get you through your Friday!

I kind of hate meetings. Things always start out well.

You get to see people and chat a little, and feel important sitting around a table of importance.

But then things start to fall apart. You either run out of important things to talk about, or people run out of attention-spans. The meeting is suddenly no longer productive, and I start covertly checking my watch and thinking about how Handsome Bryce and I could be playing "Paper Mario" right now.

 Then eventually people run out of things to complain about and sarcastic remarks start to lull. At this point the person leading the meeting will often address the lull by saying the worst thing ever:

I sit there silently hoping against hope that no one will bring anything up and the meeting will stop.

But there's always that one guy.

And with that, the meeting goes on even longer, for no reason at all. At this point I can't pay attention to any more meeting discussion because my brain has imploded into a tiny brain-crumb of fury. I don't know what that guy's deal is, but I am pretty sure he got a few wedgies back in the day for stunts like this:

Can adults go to jail for wedgie-related offenses?

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Christmas House

This year I am so excited about Christmas. It could be that we have our own house to decorate this year,  or perhaps that McBaby is old enough to know that something awesome is happening. Whatever the reason, I am SO EXCITED. I already had Bryce set-up our tree:

Here is a close-up of our chandelier:

And the sliding-door vinyl that we got from Tara:

While we are looking at fantastic things from Tara, here's this:

And these:

There is really no point to this post except to show you pictures of my house. Maybe that makes me vain, like someone who tells a long story just to impress you with this one witty come-back they had once...

Eh I don't even care, I love my house and I love Christmas. Also one time I said a really good zinger, and man, did I look cool when I was saying it. The end.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Turkey Trip

This Thanksgiving we went back to Orem, UT, to visit the McEwens. It was so wonderful to see and spend time with them, we miss them so much. I am so thankful that both Bryce and I have such fun and loving and fun-loving families. We had plans to try and visit a lot of our friends too, but the week went by so fast that we barely got to see any of them. You guys understand right? I'm thankful for you too! :P

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, but I have found that there is one thing that it is lacking: piñatas. 

This year I decided to remedy that problem by making a turkey piñata! I covered two balloons in paper mache, one big and one small. I did two layers, but they were thin, you could probably do three layers and it would be better. When they were dry I popped the small balloon and cut the paper shell in half. Then I made these frilly bones out of scrap printer-paper:

I also made wings out of paper and then glued them all onto my big balloon:
 For my paper mache I used a 50/50 mixture of white glue and water. It dries faster than the flour and water stuff.
 It helps to tape the pieces onto the body, with scotch tape, to hold them in place while the glue dries.

 Then I painted the turkey and cut a hole in the top and filled it with candy. To suspend the turkey I took a rope and tied it, to holes I had punched, in the center of a sour-cream lid. I rolled up the lid and inserted it so that it opened inside the cavity making it too big to pull back out. It was really fun to watch the kids beat the turkey up. I am thankful for nieces and nephews and cousins!

I think this will be my new Thanksgiving tradition, (along with my personal tradition of waking up early the next day and eating all the leftover pie for breakfast).

 I am really thankful for Bryce's sister Tara and our friend Tadd who helped us on my quest to get some family pictures taken of our little family.

I am most grateful for Handsome Bryce and McBaby; and for the opportunity to spend eternity with them. Also pie.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Sideboard Refinishing

I keep telling people how excited I am about this sideboard, and everyone says something like, "Cyborg?" It is a real thing ok? Traditionally sideboards are used for serving food in a main living area of the house, not the kitchen, but I wanted one for storing all of our electronics. I found mine in the thrift store for $35.

 I fell in love with it right away, but it wasn't perfect yet. I carefully cleaned all the surfaces, firstly to prepare it for refinishing, and secondly because it came from a thrift store, so who knows where it has been.

 Gross. Then I took off all the hardware, including the cabinet doors.

 Then I wiped on two coats of my favorite Gerneral Finishes Gel Stain, the color I used was "Java". I really love that stuff. Everything it touches becomes pretty. Also it is dark and thick so you don't have to sand down to the bare wood if you don't want to, and I never want to.

 I also sealed it with two coats of poly urethane, and put on some new hardware. Finally my sideboard was reborn!!! Handsome Bryce drilled some holes in the back of it so our electronics could hide inside and remain plugged in to the TV and wall. Now he just has to hide our TV cords inside the wall and our once messy corner will be pristine and tidy.

This messy corner is another story though.

A few notes about the hardware:

1. The little drawer pulls on the top drawer were a non-standard size. Did you know there were standard sizes? I didn't, and it turns out that a width of less than 3 inches is very difficult to come by, and almost no styles come in both 2.75'' and 3'' widths. To deal with that, I used two little knobs in place of the handles on the top drawer.

2. The hinges for the cupboard doors are on the outside of the sideboard, I knew I didn't want those to be bright nickel like the handles so I just saved the original hinges and screws and spray painted them black. They blend in well and I didn't have to buy new ones!

3. The drawers didn't move very smoothly, but Handsome Bryce told me to rub finishing wax on the wooden parts that were rubbing and causing the problem. This really helped them to move smoothly. I also sprayed WD40 in the metal drawering-tracks. I think little things like that make the difference between a nice thrift-store find and a nice piece of furniture.

Thursday, November 01, 2012


Here are some pictures of my little 1 year old.

He wasn't sure about cupcakes...until he discovered that they were made of cake!

 One day he was playing in the backyard, he was really curious about this PVC pipe that the previous owners had sticking out of the ground. (I also have no idea what it is there for.) Then he went and got this pine cone.  

And carefully placed it on top.

It fell off, but he kept working on it.

And the mystery was solved! These are pine cone stands!

Here is his birthday cake. It was really fun and easy to make. Special thanks to birthday-buddy Clairice for making the perfect orange frosting for the traffic cone candy-corns.

And here he is on Halloween, being the cutest skunk.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

McBirthday McBat Bike

McBaby turned one! This year went by so fast, and we have a lot to be grateful for.  Some of you may have seen the super-awesome Batmobile/Cozy Coupe my mom, and my sister, Sara, painted:

I wanted to give McBaby something to go with it so I was pretty excited when I bagged this prize for $1 at the thrift store:

Yeah, I know, it wasn't exactly screaming "Awesome Batmaness!!!!" yet. It was in good shape, rolled straight, and didn't have any cosmetic problems, (other than some nasty sticky residue on the handle). After a serious cleaning it was pretty much as good as new. Time for the paint job. First I stuck painter's tape to some wax paper and cut out some bat symbols:

I just free-handed one side and folded it in half to make it symmetrical when cutting it out, but you could print a bat symbol and trace it if you aren't lazy like me. Then I sprayed some parts of the bike yellow:

Then I stuck my bat symbols on and covered the yellow parts with saran wrap and more tape.

Then came the black paint. I recommend using a good quality outdoor spray paint.

Ta da! finished bat bike! Happy birthday McBaby! We love you and we are so lucky to have you!