Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Are You Alone in Your Car?

A friend of mine, (hi Maria!) pointed out that people are pretty uninhibited in the "privacy" of their own car. The upper half of cars are mostly made of see-through glass, but people still feel alone enough to do pretty embarrassing things.

For example:
Who among us has not seen someone digging for gold during a red light? You can see them, they can see you, and yet they continue shamelessly clawing away.

Then there is:
This person is having fun at the red light, too much fun actually. They are having an embarrassing one person jam session screeching over the real song, even during the guitar solo. Again, you can see them, you can probably hear them, but they don't care.

Last and least:

It is inexplicable but people feel vindicated in shouting profanely at old people while protected by the shell of their car.

It's strange. None of these behaviors would be acceptable if the cars were gone and we were standing around. Does a thin layer of metal, plastic, and glass isolate us enough that we can throw our normal manners away?

Luckily, you will never see me doing anything embarrassing while I am driving.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Looking For a Job

The time has come for Handsome Bryce to look for a job. Finding a job is always a mixture of exciting and annoying, especially when it comes time to interview. I have found that you kind of have to humor your interviewer. Like when they ask the question, "What is your greatest weakness?" Is that question really in earnest? Is anyone going to say, "My greatest weakness is probably that I enjoy embezzling money from my employer" or "I set buildings on fire for fun"? No. Everyone is going to say, "My greatest weakness is probably that I care too much. I just can't stop caring all the time." Sheesh.

While applying for jobs Bryce had to fill out an online strengths-finder questionnaire. I am pretty sure this quiz is the root of all ridiculous interview questions. He was given sets of two statements and he had to select which one most represented him. Some of them were normal but some... man, just see for yourself:

1. Tears are a part of my life.Seriously? That is totally a trap! They might as well have asked:
"Are you a pansy who is going to cry whenever someone says anything to you?"
"Why yes, yes I am. Don't look at me meanly either. I can't stop the tears from flowing when you look at me mean."
"Great! You're hired!"

Then there was:
2. I am missing my friends.

I am missing my friends?
"Can you stand to be apart from your friends during the 30 minutes it takes to complete this career strengths quiz?"
"No, the separation is killing me."
"Ah, so I see you are either co-dependent, 15 years old, or both... I think you are just the job candidate we have been looking for!!!"

Then there were some that were obvious kiss-up choices like:
3. I am zestful.

What does that even mean? I know what zestful means, (characterized by keen relish, hearty enjoyment, etc.) but what kind of person describes themself as zestful? A butt-kisser, that's who.

Then the ultimate one:
4. I have a love of others, all the people.
Ok, first of all that is a weird sentence structure, and second of all, really? All the people? Are you really sure about that?

"Great you are a psychopath! Sign here!!!"

Friday, January 27, 2012

Why Did it Have to be a Scary Movie???

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

I Want My Baby to Laugh

McBaby is now three months old. He is smiling and chattering to me all the time, but he does not laugh yet! A lot of people tell me that I am funny, but I am starting to think that all those people are just kissing up to me because of my incredible good looks. Nothing I do makes this kid feel like laughing!

I haven't been a slacker either, I have totally been bringing my A-game.

With only lukewarm results.

I have tried going for the shock effect:

It produces surprise, but not giggles.

I have even resorted to cheap slapstick:


I am suspicious that he is holding out on me; a few times when he has been in his car-seat he has made squeally laugh sounds, but I couldn't see his face to know if it was a laugh or not. Here is a video of him. It doesn't have sound, but it doesn't need sound because he doesn't think anything I do is funny enough to lol!

You have to admit that is pretty much the most adorable thing you have seen all day.
Snow Driving

It's starting to be pretty snowy around here. I have lived in Utah for a while now, but it is still shocking to me that it snows after Christmas. I always thought that all the snow would melt on December 26th, or maybe January 1st; but there are a lot of things about snow that I didn't understand before I came here.

I really love how pretty and shiny snow is, but I really don't love driving in it. I have explained before that I am secretly a cranky old lady, and when it snows the secret is out. I transform into that little granny who drives 15 miles per hour in a 45 zone and leaves her blinker on for 12 miles without turning.

There are a few reasons for this. First of all, I am from California. I consider a bit of rain to be horrible driving conditions. The thought of sliding even a little bit on an icy road freaks me out. Handsome Bryce has coached me to never ever slam on that breaks in that situation but I really Really REALLY want to slam on the breaks. REALLY.

It's not just that I grew up in California. I have found that most people consider themselves to be above average drivers. I used to think that too, until one day I turned left in front of on-coming traffic and totaled my mom's van. Turning in front of another car does not seem to be the kind of thing a talented driver would do, so I am forced to conclude that I am below average in driving ability.

When it is snowing there is always someone who tailgates me with rage in their eyes, stuck behind me as I crawl along the road. I think that they think their tailgating will motivate me to speed up. Nothing could be further from the truth. The tailgating actually validates me. I figure that because of my relative inexperience with snow driving, and factoring in my general below average driving ability, I need to drive 30% more slowly that normal people to be safe.

So if you see me on a snowy road avoid getting stuck behind me and we can still be friends.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Tummy Time

Since it is advised that you put your baby to sleep on his back, doctors say that you should have about 20 minutes of "tummy time" every day to help strengthen your baby's muscles. Here is how I feel about Tummy Time:
Here is how McBaby feels about it:

I don't know why he's such a pansy about exercise.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Triumphant Return

So whenever someone doesn't blog for a while their first post when they come back is always all, "I am so sorry I have been so lazy and I'll be better wah wah." It's like how when you come late to a sit-down gathering you are required to be all meek and apologetic about your inability to be on time.

Well guess what suckas? I have not been lazy, I have been partying with my baby all day everyday and I'm not sorry so there!

Maybe that was rude, here's my version of the Green Lantern movie that recently came out to help you feel better:

There was also some kind of messed up love story, but I can't remember any of it. Have a great day friends!