Monday, January 30, 2012

Looking For a Job

The time has come for Handsome Bryce to look for a job. Finding a job is always a mixture of exciting and annoying, especially when it comes time to interview. I have found that you kind of have to humor your interviewer. Like when they ask the question, "What is your greatest weakness?" Is that question really in earnest? Is anyone going to say, "My greatest weakness is probably that I enjoy embezzling money from my employer" or "I set buildings on fire for fun"? No. Everyone is going to say, "My greatest weakness is probably that I care too much. I just can't stop caring all the time." Sheesh.

While applying for jobs Bryce had to fill out an online strengths-finder questionnaire. I am pretty sure this quiz is the root of all ridiculous interview questions. He was given sets of two statements and he had to select which one most represented him. Some of them were normal but some... man, just see for yourself:

1. Tears are a part of my life.Seriously? That is totally a trap! They might as well have asked:
"Are you a pansy who is going to cry whenever someone says anything to you?"
"Why yes, yes I am. Don't look at me meanly either. I can't stop the tears from flowing when you look at me mean."
"Great! You're hired!"

Then there was:
2. I am missing my friends.

I am missing my friends?
"Can you stand to be apart from your friends during the 30 minutes it takes to complete this career strengths quiz?"
"No, the separation is killing me."
"Ah, so I see you are either co-dependent, 15 years old, or both... I think you are just the job candidate we have been looking for!!!"

Then there were some that were obvious kiss-up choices like:
3. I am zestful.


What does that even mean? I know what zestful means, (characterized by keen relish, hearty enjoyment, etc.) but what kind of person describes themself as zestful? A butt-kisser, that's who.

Then the ultimate one:
4. I have a love of others, all the people.
Ok, first of all that is a weird sentence structure, and second of all, really? All the people? Are you really sure about that?

"Great you are a psychopath! Sign here!!!"

3 comments:

Karen said...

Love it!!

Juli Dennis said...

Okay, I just had to say that I am glad that you are blogging again! You always make me laugh!
♥Aunt Juli

Sonya said...

Maybe they meant a love of Foster The People? Trying to cull out people who hate catchy and morbid songs?
My favourite job questions are those trying to pretend that they are with you, like "I have taken pens home from work before. That is not the same as stealing." Not a exact quote, but that was the gist. Of course I've taken pens home from work! In my hair, in my pockets, consciously because it looked like the pen I left there two days ago that I loved and was snatched by a manager. (I have also gone through huge pen gatherings where I take all the cheap work pens, plus pens I don't like, and dump them all at work.)
But seriously, who answers yes to that? Who would lie and answer no? I can't even remember my own answer. About 70% of the test was that vague. I think it ferrets out the stupid, rather than the dishonest.