Monday, February 18, 2013

Downton Spoiler Time

WARNING Downton Abbey, season 3 spoilers!!! Stop reading if you are one of the people who hasn't seen season 3 yet!!!

So, pretty much everyone I know used Tunnel Bear, or Bit Torrent or something to watch all of Downton Abbey season 3 ages ago, but I didn't! Handsome Bryce and I have been watching them when PBS posts them. Last night was the final "Christmas Special" and I can now join the rest of the world in saying, "DOWNTON ABBEY, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING???"

I actually have figured out what will happen in season 4. WARNING Downton Abbey season 4 spoilers that I made up!!!! Do not read if you, rightly, think I am psychic!!

In season 4 there will be more pregnancies and a lot more deaths. Mary will name her baby "Matthew" and then one by one each adult character will die off and be replaced with a baby of the same name, thus laying the foundation for the zany new show:

 When your castle looks kind of weird, and you wish that you weren't there...

Just close your eyes and make believe,

And you can be any-WHEEEEERE!

Downton, Downton, Downton, Downton Baaaaaabies!

How much of my brain space is being taken up by that song????

Monday, February 04, 2013

Impervious to Awkward

In my last post I appealed to people to help them stop saying awkward things to pregnant ladies. The thing is, whoever you are, pregnant or not, people are going to say awkward stuff to you, and you have to find a way to deal with it. I learned to deal with it when a super-awkward person came into my life, and I knew this person was never fully going to leave my life, ever. This person was going to keep popping up and keep being awkward FOREVER.
 At first I dealt with them the way I always had dealt with awkward people: smiling blankly and making non-committal remarks to pretend like our conversation was not insanely awkward.

This did not work well. The whole time I could not stop thinking about how crazy annoyed I was at how awkward this person was making me feel, and I could not stop pretending to be polite.

And then, suddenly and simultaneously I ran out of fake-politeness and I ran out of energy to be annoyed, suddenly I was just honest, and I said:

I wasn't mad, or feeling superior, or anything. I just blurted out exactly how I felt, and suddenly that statement made the awkwardness evaporate. I was no longer a hapless victim, and the person I was talking to was no longer in the dark.

We didn't become best friends, but suddenly I didn't mind so much that I didn't agree with anything I had heard. We could have a conversation, and I could just be honest. It was a relief to us both.

Since that day, I have perfected this skill. I am not impervious to ALL awkwardness, but when it comes to face-to-face interactions, I am pretty much immune.

The keys are:
1. You cannot feel spiteful, or angry. Your honesty cannot be designed to get any revenge. It helps me to trust that the person does not mean to make me uncomfortable.
2. Make it about you. Accusing people makes then all weird, but having feelings is something they can understand and not argue with. My favorite sayings are, "Wow, that is awkward", "That doesn't make me feel very good", and "I just can't agree with that".
3. I have found that awkward folk are often generally surprised to find that their conversation was  embarrassing/hurtful to you, and they want to know why. Just tell them why, kindly, they are glad to know.
4. Being honest does not have to be rude. Never be rude. Treat the awkward person as you would want to be treated if you accidentally made a faux pas. 

Now be free! Never smile through gritted teeth again! 

Friday, February 01, 2013

How to Talk to pregnant Ladies

I have addressed this somewhat in the past, but it has come up in a few conversations recently, and I think it is time to help everybody out.

For some reason pregnant people are magnets for awkward, sometimes hurtful comments. I think that when people see a pregnant lady they get over-excited, like how you would feel if you noticed that a co-worker suddenly got a full-face tattoo. People just really want to comment about it.


No one says that though, that would be weird. Instead people explode out some comment like:

Because that is not awkward at all. People also want to joke around with pregnant people. They think they are being pretty original, but the thing is, pregnant ladies hear those exact same jokes over and over, and they never were and never will be funny. NEVAH!

Guys, this is madness. Pregnant ladies are often uncomfortable, emotional, and tired. You really can't predict how they will react. It is smarter to tease a knifey-hobo than to tease a pregnant lady. It's a lose-lose situation all around! Plus, you risk the biggest lose of all-- making a comment to a pregnant lady who...turns out not to be pregnant at all! Yikes.

So if you are really helpless when faced with a pregnant lady, here is a flow-chart to guide you through the right kinds of things to say:
Good words to incorporate:
Cute, pretty, stylish, beautiful, healthy, etc.

Words to avoid:
Big, large, whale, chub, mammoth, gargantuan, obese, lardaceous, enormous, huge, explode, giant, thick, heavy, portly, fat, expand, ballooning, twins, triplets, quadruplets, octo-mom, bulge, stretch, massive, chunk, blubber, etc.