Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Talking Baby

As I said earlier, McBaby really likes to talk. It's pretty funny the things he picks up, and how quickly he learns to apply new words to situations.

Sometimes though, his applications are a little surprising.

It's also difficult to predict when those applications will cause future confusion.

Seriously, don't accidentally say that a dirty diaper is garbage at our house.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Homeless Chickens

Yesterday I read this news article:

The article talks about how raising your own chickens is falling in popularity, so animal shelters and open areas, like canyons, are filling up with unwanted chickens. One of the shelter workers is quoted saying, "Basically there's nowhere for these animals to go."

Nowhere? NOWHERE?

In other news, cupcake shelters are filling up with unwanted cupcakes from fad bakeries flagging in popularity. Barbara Hannigan, a shelter worker in Los Angeles, blames "foodies" saying, "These people are dropping off dozens of cupcakes a day at our shelters. We just don't have the facilities to care for so many cupcakes. No one has any ideas for what to do with all these abandoned cupcakes."

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

What's Up

How much longer will people be saying "What's up?" as a greeting? If we could all agree to stop now, I would be grateful, because it is a greeting that I have never known how to respond to. In high school I would always answer by saying, "The sky." I pretended like it was a cheeky answer, but really it was just a coping mechanism to hide my awkward inability to respond.

I no longer say, "The sky" because it is not actually as hilarious as I used to think. It is also sometimes misheard as, "This guy" which would sound kind of scandalous coming from a married lady.

Abandoning the cheeky answer tactic has left me grasping for something to say in response. I understand "What's up?" to mean, "What's going on?" or even "What's wrong?" If it is used in reference to an object, like "What's up with ponytails?" I can handle it. In the context of a greeting however, it is too vague a question.

I am also unable to say, "What's up?" and sound normal. (This is true for most slang.)

Even though this line of thinking makes sense to me, most people do not appreciate it as a response. So usually I answer "What's up?" with, "I'm doing well thanks, how are you?" This response makes no sense in the context of the question, but if I match the other person's facial expression and tone of voice they don't seem to notice.

So if you see me, try to use the most banal greeting possible, it will be better for everyone.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

When is Your Baby Due?

I've spent a lot of time exploring the crazy things people say to you when you are pregnant.

So you will likely understand the queasy fear that runs through me when a stranger corners me and asks when my baby is due.

But sometimes the person doesn't want to comment on how enormous you are, or ask if you are REALLY SURE it isn't due today; sometimes they just want to offer you a free car-seat that they no longer need.

It happened to me today. Sometimes people are really great, and it kind of makes up for all the other people who accidentally told me that I am super fat.